I hate you all

Warning: This will be a hate-filled rant.

As you and everyone else in the entire universe know by now, Anna Nicole Smith is dead. Why do we know? Because you can’t get onto a news web site or turn on your television without seeing wall-to-wall coverage of this alleged event. I spent most of my elliptical time at the gym today trying to find news on television that wasn’t related to hashing and rehashing the details of the Anna Nicole Smith non-story.

I can stomp and scream at the heavens as to why her death does not warrant such media attention – after all, she was a Z-list celebrity for absolutely no reason – but it wouldn’t do any good. I know why this is a story and why we in the media have to just beat the living shit out of it: Because retards like you eat it up.

TV ratings took a big bump with this over-the-top coverage of a nobody’s death (and a certain psychotic astronaut thanks you for it). On our news site here in Milwaukee, it has far surpassed every other story in page views. You people just can’t get enough of this bullshit – you never can. If it sounds like I have an outrageous hatred for you – it’s because I do. I wish every last one of you would just jump off the closest bridge like the pathetic lemmings you are.

I have these little surges of rage every time some idiotic celebrity storyline has to take time away from covering actual news to feed the beast that is the American airhead populace. Whether it’s the Trump-O’Donnell feud, the Danny DeVito drunk appearance the every movement of David Beckham – I sit here and steam about the fact you’d rather hear about this than, say, something that actually affects your life. Did you know there’s a war on? That there are people being investigated all over Washington? That people in your community are doing great things? Do you even care?

Why can’t you – the American public – just get it all out of your system by watching “Best Week Ever” or “The Soup”? Do you need to see every moment of “Extra!”, buy every celebrity gossip rag and use your formidable viewership to tilt all legitimate news to your bidding? Why do You People have to win?