The enigma that is "Full House"

"Fulll House" may be one of the worst-written sitcoms to ever hit network television. It had unbearable characters, flat dialouge, an unlikely concept and it featured guest appearances by Steve F-ing Urkel......but somehow, when it's on Nick at Nite at 4 am CST, I am inexplicably drawn to it. Mostly, I think, because it puzzles me so much.

As a kid, I loved it. I particularly liked bitchy middle sister Stephanie, even though the entire show is based around adorable lines for baby sister Michelle to utter at random so the studio audience can "awwwwww" on cue. Or horrible, god awful puns for Dave Coulier to pass off as funny even though he sucks miserably.

But I never noticed any of that as a kid. Nor did the pertinent inconsistencies come to mind that do today.

I roll my eyes at how much I absolutely loathe Bob Saget and Dave Coulier. I can't believe we're supposed to believe that Danny Tanner's friends Joey and Jesse would actually live with him and his three daughters for that freaking long. I refuse to believe that DJ could possibly be dating who is supposedly the best-looking boy in school (Steve), but she never goes past second base. I want to known how Kimmy managed to never get her ass kicked. And why Joey was actually given a job being allegedly likable. Or why Jesse's twin sons had girl haircuts and apparently never learned to speak.

And dammit, how could they all possibly live in a San Francisco townhouse? And how is the laugh track at all convincing that those jokes were funny?

Despite all this, I watch it. I hate to admit it. I don't want to watch it. I'm annoyed by it.....but if it's 4 am, you know where I'm at...